The Prayer of My Heart

I believe God answers all prayers. Sometimes that answer is "No" or "Not yet" but he answers them. But it often difficult to remember this when God's time line doesn't match up with ours.

For two solid days I have been crying out to God to answer my prayer. I don't think I've ever pleaded with him like this before. Two years ago, I begged and pleaded and even bargained with him. Just a couple weeks after my mom found out that her cancer was back for a THIRD time, I found out we were expecting for the third time. As she originally decided she didn't want to go through treatment again, I ached in fear that my third child would never have the pleasure of meeting the amazing woman that is his grandmother. I begged with God to please, please just let her be here long enough to meet this baby. I don't exactly what it was that made her change her mind, but my mom slowly decided that she wanted to try and fight again. God blessed me with the answer to my prayer. Though she has spent his 20 months on this earth with her, tired and sick she was HERE. Just what I had asked for. I know that it hurt her that he didn't really know her like the other boys did. But it has brought me great peace to know that she was able to hold him and love him while she was here with us.
But now the time has come that she NEEDS to let go. She needs to be shown the place that Jesus has prepared for her, where she will be given a new and cancer free life. I know that she will still be with us. That the pain of not being able to pick up the phone and call her will be undescribable. But she has fought so long and so hard. She deserves to be at peace now. But despite by feverent cries to the Lord, I am still being told "not yet." The pain of waiting is almost unbearable. I know that there is a host of family and friends who are also praying this on our behalf. It is time.

Lord, I pray today that you would take hold of my mother's hand and lead her home with you. She has suffered long and needs to be at peace now. Wrap your loving arms around her and guide her to where she will be in pain no more. Whisper to her "'Well done, good and faithful servant!" For she will be missed but deserves to acknowledged for all she has done for us!

I LOVE YOU MOM!! We will be ok!

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'Matthew 25:23