Mar 13, 2013

You Can't Have It All

I know, I know feminists world wide shutter at the thought, but the truth is, you can NOT have it all!  I just read yet another article from an actress who was asked how she balanced work and motherhood and she said all you need is an hour a day to yourself and you can "have it all." Bullshit, big fat ugly, bullshit.
This is why moms suffer gut wrenching mom guilt.  Whether you stay at home or work or work from home, regardless of why you chose to do so, you need to know that having it all is a f-ing lie.
If we could all be honest for one damn minute and just realize that no ONE person could have it all, maybe we could sleep a little better at night.
Seriously, you can't have it all.  It's a physical impossibility.  With a day being restricted to a mere 24 hours and the body requiring at least a few hours of sleep and most of the world running on a 9-5ish schedule, I don't care how hard you try, you can't have it all. 
If you work, no matter how flexible your schedule, you'll never, no seriously not ever, be able to do everything you could do if you were home full time.  You might be the queen of multitasking. And you may be able to do more than a single person SHOULD in a day, but you simply can't do it all.  I'm a working mom, I've missed spelling bees, and PTO meetings and even watched solo/ensemble performances through a tiny glass window because I arrived just seconds too late to get into the room.  I've had to turn down exciting opportunities for my blog.  And I don't get to go the park with my stay at home moms with our kids on beautiful weekday afternoons.  

And while I'd give my right arm to be able to stay home, there would be things I would sacrifice. Even if I was home full time, having three kids, there is just no way to be everywhere for everyone when they would like me to. 
Decisions have to be made, priorities have to be set.  This is what real life is.  And once we fully embrace that, we can be a lot happier.  Don't listen to anyone who tells you the secret to having it all, I promise they don't really have it ALL, they just know how to be content with what they do have.  The secret is knowing and accepting you can't do it all and being able to be and do those things that are most important to you and your family and not giving a crap what anyone else thinks about your choices!

 
Our parents told us we could grow up to be whatever we wanted, not EVERYTHING we wanted!!

13 comments:

  1. I agree, 100%. People often ask me how I manage to homeschool because it requires so much time, yadda yadda yadda. I manage it because I don't have a full-time job. I manage it because I let the house go into full-on disaster mode. I manage it because I don't try to keep all of the potential balls in the air that many people seem to think are required in Life. Someday, when this stage is over, a new stage will take hold.

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    1. I totally agree. I get asked it all the time too and the truth is something is always lacking. 90% of the time it's the house but for me that's a-ok.
      I know reality is we are promised tomorrow with everyone we love. We lose people all the time, so I'll make the memories today because that chance might not be here tomorrow...but those damn dishes will be.

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  2. So true - Thank you. I seriously needed that today!

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    1. :) Glad to hear it's what someone needed today. I think sometimes social media helps us portray a vision of having it all that's even more in your face and its just not helping anyone.

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  3. I also need to read this. I know that I can not do everything, but in the past I have tried very hard to. With finding out I am diabetic, I am now forced to slow down and check my blood sugar and workout. It's not just to get healthy it's to prove I can beat this and be there for my girls. Thank you for the reminder!

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    1. :) It's about priorities and seasons of life. We just can't do it all. You do what's right, for right now not ignoring the future but balancing what will matter tomorrow and yes your health matters!!! And you can do it and you will be setting a great example for your girls!!

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  4. It's not any easy for stay at home moms - especially those who are single. As a parent who doesn't work a "traditional" 9-5 job, I am constantly looked at (from non-bloggers) as having the ability to come and go as I please, have lunches all the time, and that everything in my life should be running smoothly. The reality is that I am a single mother with 2 small children and no family to help me (including their father most days). I take college classes (that have homework), I blog (which brings in income) and I am running my own small business. All of those require hours upon hours of my time. Then there's errands and birthday parties and sports activities and conferences and book fairs and bills to pay and doctors appointments and a half-ass attempts to clean my house and another 100 things that I alone have to remember to do and take care of. Oh and did I mention that I'd like to actually MOTHER my daughters and spend time with them????

    I lump people talking about having it all in the same place with celebrities discussing how they lost the 70 pounds they gained during pregnancy from "breastfeeding and running after the kids". In a big steaming pile of "a you effing kidding me with that crap!"

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    1. First of all, I had to do the single parent thing for a just a couple months and I could have used 8 hours a day just to regroup! So anyone who has single in front of their title, stay at home or working, gets bonus points from me. But, in my opinion, YOU are a work at home mom, which is different than a stay at home mom. I would love to be a stay at home mom, not that I think it's all bonbons and soap operas (I know, I've done it) but I don't think I could ever be a work from home mom. While it has all some of the benefits of both staying home and working, it also has all the pressures of both. I'm sure there are probably just as many people who don't get that either, but to me is a big distinction.
      Add to that school, something I won't even attempt until my kids are pretty much done having anything to do with me and you're pretty much freaking superwoman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    2. ps, I totally agree about celebs, money can't buy happiness but it can buy enough 'help' to make life a lot easier!

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  5. Thanks for the superwoman title - I appreciate it. Although I'm lucky if I get through one day without feeling like I've completely failed at something. And I would be thrilled to have "celeb money" if for no other reason than to hire a maid and a cook!

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    1. Agreed. Maid and cook are top on my wishlist too.

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  6. I totally agree. I am sick of the "let's give each other a high five because we can have it all" attitude. I am also sick of people who think they have it all being critical of others. None of us has it all or even can. Not possible.

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    1. This is when i have the most trouble not being judgey is when someone acts like they have it/do it all. I really want to point out all their shortcomings. Especially if they are being judgey about my friends. Judge me, eh whatev, criticize my friends or family and its on!

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