The Rules of Marrying, by J Noel

Today was a good day, my father and step mom took the two older boys and I to see a movie and then we all (including Tom and Bryan) went to dinner to celebrate Timmy and Johnny's birthdays. We saw Bolt, which was really cute, but man if the opening scene had been any longer I'd have needed and air sick bag. Then we went to Charcoal Grill, YUM-O! And the boys got Storm Trooper voice changing helmets. I will have to get a photo tomorrow because they are too funny. The whole restaurant was watching us by the time it was all over. Then before going to bed Johnny sprayed half the house with vomit...so it wasn't a perfect day. I need to get him in to confirm what he's having issue with but I think it's chocolate but it doesn't happen every time he has chocolate but he's had chocolate every time it happens. Poor guy is a chocoholic too.
Anyway, on the way to the theater Johnny was quite the chatter box. While at one point I was tempted to pull over, get him out and strap him to the roof for some peace and quite, I'm so glad I didn't because I would have missed this priceless conversation.

Johnny: Mom do you think that whoever I marry when I get old enough, we'll have good sons?
Mom: Will you have good SONS?
Johnny: Yeah when I'm old enough and whoever I marry, we have sons.
Mom: But what if you have girls?
Johnny: If I have a daughter do you think I can name her Wonder Woman?
Mom: Well I suppose you could name her anything you wanted, as long as your wife agreed.
Johnny: Yeah, 'cuz moms and dads have to agree on the name. But the mom talks first and then the dad agrees, 'cuz the mom HAS the baby.
Mom: Sounds fair to me.

short pause for some deep thinking

Johnny: When I get old enough to get married do you think I'll marry someone who's already not a kid?
Mom: Um, if you're an adult who's old enough to get married, yes you HAVE to marry someone who's not a kid. (just slightly concerned)
Johnny: Noooo. When I am old enough to get married do you think I'll marry someone who's already not a kid NOW?
Mom: No, I don't think...Well, I suppose by the time I was your age your Dad wasn't a kid already so, I suppose it IS possible. But I doubt it sweetheart. (In case you didn't know, there is a 16 year age difference between Tom and I.)
Johnny: When I get married, I'm going to ask her name before we get married.
Mom: Yeah, that'd be a good idea.
Johnny: And I'm going to ask her if she's good or bad. (continuing as I respond) I know she'll tell the truth if she IS bad.
Mom: Yeah that'd be a good thing to know too.
Johnny: Yeah if she punches a bunch of people, then I won't marry her.
Mom: (barely holding back my giggles anymore) Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.
Johnny: You know a good shouldn't marry a bad and a bad shouldn't marry a good. Just a good and a good or a bad and a bad....then a bit more unintelligible babbling.
Mom: uh huh....yup yup...(just nod and agree)

Johnny: You know that's the first rule of Marrying?
Mom: Really? That's a pretty good rule!

...and then he continued with a list of 8 Rules for Marrying

1. A good should not marry a bad.
2. Always bring a wedding cake or some food to a wedding.
3. Always marry someone at a wedding, unless you're watching someone get married.
4. Tape everything except the door at a wedding, in case it floods.
5. Don't get married somewhere there are tornadoes.
6. Don't bring a sign that can blow away.
7. Never marry a princess unless you're a prince, OR you want to BECOME a prince!
8. Still haven't remembered the last one...
   

But I know I have some friends getting married in the next year, so be sure to keep these rules in mind for a long happy marriage.