Jan 25, 2010

Touchy Topic, part two

First of all thank you all for your comments on part one of my post which looks like it will be at least 3 parts. Maybe its not such a touchy subject since no one had any feedback that I didn't agree with entirely. Or maybe we're all just great minds, thinking a like.

Here's my thoughts mostly on Private Practice for now.

Private Practice, you get an A+ for staying totally neutral on the when does life begin debate. (As will I, as I don't want to muddy the waters on something that most people already have a strong stand on.)
However, I think I must give you an F, for the unrealistic portrayal of abortion. Granted, it's got a bit to do with how it fits into the show and it didn't even end up happening. But for a topic that is soo taboo that people really don't have a clue what it would really be like, it was a completely unrealistic portrayal. I have always had a a huge issue with the lack of honest information out there about what abortion really is and this didn't help. It isn't warm and fuzzy and done by your mom's best friend, who you've known forever.
You also get an A for the raw honest reaction of the parents of the 16 year old. So raw, so honest in fact, that it made me a little sick to my stomach as it instantly took me back, 16 years ago. To when I was 16.

You see, when I was sixteen, I was very much in love. I was an honor student with a bright future. I was fairly mature and responsible for my age. I was pro choice but strongly convicted that I would never have abortion. And convinced I'd never be irresponsible enough to ever have to make that decision. When I became sexually active, I made sure to use condoms. But as I've come to learn later in life, I'm HUGELY fertile AND condoms shouldn't be marked at 99% effective if they are "used properly" but "if they don't break." You see, I got pregnant the very first time I had sex, and we had used a condom. But it broke. But do to some spotting (which I have since learned is pretty darn common) I didn't know I was pregnant for over a month.
When I missed a period, my boyfriend took me to get a pregnancy test at planned parenthood. When the nurse came in to tell me it was positive. I was relieved for a moment. Positive, that means good, not pregnant is good... Then the look on her face snapped me into reality. Positive=affirmative. Meaning I was indeed pregnant at 16.
A couple days later, I had gathered the courage to tell my mom and stepdad. So both my boyfriend and I sat down to tell them together. To say that they weren't exactly happy would be an understatement. They threw him out of the house and threatened to call the police on him if he ever came back. The sent me to my room, as my mom couldn't even look at me. Over the next two weeks, there would be many talks about making calls to get it taken care of. Comments about how I was fooling myself if I thought my boyfriend who really stick around to help me raise a child. And threats of pressing charges against him for statutory rape that a baby would only be concrete evidence of. I was scared. Cut off from any support. And against every fiber of my being, I conceded. I allowed my mom to take me to have an abortion. Although, I can't tell you what the place was called or even what city we were in, I can remember so many details as if it were yesterday. We entered a very cold sterile looking waiting room. The silence of that room was almost unbearable. After registering, I was taken back for an ultrasound so they could see how far along I was. They don't allow you to see the screen...I'm still sure that had I seen what my baby looked like on that screen, I wouldn't have been able to go through with it. It was then that I was told that I was in fact already in my second trimester. But that meant pretty much nothing to me. (It wasn't another couple weeks when my best friend at the time showed me in her Child Development textbook what a baby would look like at 4 months that I realized how far along I really was.) After the U/S there was blood work. Then a meeting with a counselor, to whom I lied to saying I was the one making this decision and that I thought it was best for my future etc. Even as I said it I couldn't believe how my lips were able to betray my heart. From there, I was taken to what looked like a closet, to change into a gown. Once I was in the room where the procedure was done I was giving a twilight sedative which apparently worked very well as I didn't remember a thing. I was woken by a nurse who walked me down a hallway to the recovery room. Where I was told to sit in a recliner and have some crackers and juice, much like when you give blood. After a few minutes they asked if I felt I could go and get dressed. I did. I got dressed and left. Making a few quick stops along the side of the road on the way home to throw up. My mom never spoke another word of that day.

Do I believe life would have been easy for me had I kept that child? No, I know it would have been hard. Being a mom at any age is hard. Being a teenager without a child is hard! But going through with something I knew in my heart was so horribly wrong for me was the beginning for a downward spiral. I slowly fell into deeper and deeper depression. Eventually leaving college half way through my first semester of my second year unable to even function. And more than once attempting to take my own life.

Luckily for me, I was able to get the help I needed and have since dealt with the many emotions that go along with making the decision to terminate a pregnancy. While this obviously isn't something I tell every stranger on the street, it is something I'm pretty open about. But I can't begin to tell you how many people have confided in me that they too have walked this road but they've never told anyone else. (Typically, accept for the person they had drive them.) If you have had an abortion and still struggle with it. Please reach out for help. There are several organizations that provide Abortion Recovery counseling (contact your local CareNet to find one near you). There are many amazing books. And while I'm obviously not a trained professional, my "door" (ie email) is always open.

If you think that abortion is the 'easy way' out of a tough spot, I promise it's not. The affects of abortion will stay with those involved, forever.



  1. You make amazing sense. I am so sorry for what you have gone through and probably will go through for the rest of your life. God has enough grace to go around and I hope you have found a way to forgive yourself and go on. It looks like you have 3 beautiful little boys and a wonderful outlook on life now. I am not pro choice but I do not condemn those that have had to make or been forced into a decision they thought was best for them. *great post*

  2. My heart breaks for what you had to endure at the tender age of 16. Thank you for posting your story, as it really happened, AND for telling others how to find help. Care Net is a great recommendation!

  3. hey girl! thanks for sharing your story... something I never knew about even as a family member! I'm sure it took a lot of courage to write about that and it's awesome you are able to offer support to others going/that have gone through the same situation. I'm sure it was hard but as others have said, God forgives and I'm glad you were able to find peace within yourself. I'm anxious to hear your thoughts about the Pregnancy Pact now lol! xoxo Megan

  4. What an incredibly powerful post. My parents probably would have reacted the same way had I ever been in that position and I don't think I would have been able to speak up then, either. You must have had so many emotions and to have someone telling you this is what you do, you just can't fight against it.

  5. I think anytime there's an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy it is sure to be hard.

    Many of my friends became more pro-life following births of their first (wanted) babies. I went the opposite way.

    If I wanted my baby so much and still had such a hard time raising a baby (not even abnormally hard...just regular getting used to a child), then how would it be to have to raise a child you knew you were NOT ready for? So I became more adamant that a woman have the right to choose.

    My feelings remain as we begin to pursue adoption. I still think women should have choices and options. But as a teen, maybe was not the best for you? I don't know. So hard to say.

    And being the person wanting to adopt, I obviously would prefer someone to adopt out their baby. But sadly, it's not my say or my choice.

    I think safe abortions with proper counseling and follow through on everyone's part (parents included!) is what is needed. Not unsafe or illegal procedures. Or denial that a situation is happening.

  6. Bravo! It is easy for most pro-lifers (such as myself) to say that abortion is wrong, when we haven't had to face difficult situations. I think it is great that you are sharing your story and I hope that it helps others who are facing what you faced, or went through the emotions you have gone through after an abortion.

  7. Thank you for sharing this difficult part of your past. I know that God's forgiveness is for all and it seems as if you have accepted His for you. While I am a commited pro-lifer, I'm also a commited pro-forgiveness for every and any sin.

  8. (((Lisa))) Thanks for sharing your story.

  9. Oh your writing is so amazing and straight from the heart. Though I have never had an abortion, I have seen the effects. Thank you so much for your candor and care as you write this post. It will touch more lives than you will ever know.

  10. Thanks for sharing your story so openly with us.

    (found you via MckMama's forum)

  11. I know someone who had an abortion at a young age as well and is something that they have lived with (not so pleasantly) their whole life. It is something that I would never judge someone for making the decision, for a good reason of course. It's a hard decision that can have an affect for so many years. Thank you for being so honest and open...

  12. Thank you so much for sharing your store. You've inspired me to share mine. You're so right, abortion isn't easy, it isn't easy at all. Because of my experience, I've stopped judging others so quickly.


  13. Lisa, I stumbled upon this post from a more recent one of yours. I commend you for your bravery in sharing this post with us. Hugs!

  14. Oh man, I couldn't imagine. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that!

  15. You are so strong for sharing this. I am so sorry for the decision that was made for you.


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