Jan 20, 2009

Finding Friends

Let me start by just being totally honest and say, I'm a bad friend. I don't know why, maybe just because I'm lazy. But since I've graduated high school I've been horrible at keeping in touch with friends. And I'm always been horrible at making friends. I'm fairly sure that comes from my suckish self esteem. But I always thought that when I had kids I'd have a new circle of instant friends. You know, other parents from my kids TBall teams, school etc. But it seems that not only is that NOT how it's happened but that having kids, especially THREE kids has made it even more difficult to stay in touch with the friends I do have. I will say I am super thankful for the Internet because with out it I would probably have ZERO friends. But why is it so hard?
Am I the only one that has found this?
I KNOW that there are plenty of women who manage to maintain great friendships...I see the evidence on facebook etc. So what am I doing wrong?
Now I get out occasionally for Mom's Night Out with some friends from high school but it's like we have to catch up on everything that's been going on since we last got together because we haven't talked at all in between out night outs. And I almost never have friends over to the house. Partly because in our tiny house its impossible to do much indoors, and possibly partly in part to some people fearing my neighborhood! But I'm dieing to know the secret of those who seem to have such wonderful friendships that have them getting together often, sometimes alone, sometimes with kids and significant others...
So tell me, do you have the secret? Or are you in the same sinking friendship boat as I am?

##Edited to add##
I know it's probably wrong to say but I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in my situation.  I have some GREAT friends online.  And you're right Heidi, it is so much more convenient.  But I'd really love to have at least one friend that I know I could call and say "hey we;re going to whereever" and know they'll not only agree to go but actually show.
Thanks to everyone for your comments, I truly appreciate them, and your friendship, even if it is only online!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. I am the same. Part of it is my selfishness, I am hard to schedule with and such. I would love to have a few awesome friends to rely on, but I am not good at maintaining relationships with a full time job, 2 kids and all the rest. Maybe God has one out there for both of us!

  2. I have no secrets. I am a crappy friend. I have only one very close friend but I am closer to my sisters than my so called close friend.


  3. Years ago two of my closest friends moved away and I felt sad and lonely without them.

    I discovered that if I just called up a casual acquaitnance just to say "hi" that helped break the ice. A little scary at first.

    I invite a friend to meet me for lunch or just a coke at McDonalds or we meet at Costco for a cheap lunch and then do our shopping.

    I am not very good at making phonecalls or checking my emails, so these little social outings help keep our friendship going!

  4. I have the same problem. I think I'm lazy about it. Thankfully I have several really good friends that have stood the test of years. They know me really well (and me them) and we can pick right back up where we left off like it hasn't been ages since we've seen or spoken.

  5. Facebook has not been a friend to me! We have struggled financially so terribly this year, and now Im in contact with all of these people from my past who seem to "have it all".
    Is it pathetic that Im jealous?! LOL!
    I definitely know where you are coming from though!

  6. Most of my friends from high school moved away but I still talk to a few on occasion, anyone that really mattered anyway. One is still here but she has no kids and is just in a different place in her life then I am so we don't have much in common at all and we both work. I am probably the closest to my cousin right now. Going to get a pedicure in 2 hours then maybe a quick lunch.. before work tonight ughh. lol

  7. I don't have any friends IRL. OK ok..I have one. She has 4 kids, I have 4 kids - we've been friends since before we had kids - 12 years. But we don't ever hang out, just us - yk? Dunno. Before I moved here I had a falling out with my closest friends and I guess I'm just not willing to put myself out there to be trampled on like that, again.

    My closest friends now are all online. People I've posted with on message boards for years, ya know? Some I've never met - others I see occasionally. It's convenient - online friendship, I mean. I can come talk to you whenever *I* have time and you can get back to me when *you* have time.

    The face to face is definitely misisng though.

    Good stuff today. Thanks!


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